Angel
by Shard's Angel
Summary: Brian and Justin are destined to be together, but what would Justin do if it was near impossible in this lifetime?
1. An Angel is Born

Angel

You see seventeen year old guys everywhere. They're at school, on the streets, getting drunk and high and a bunch of other stuff. All seventeen year old guys have one major thing in common though, they don't listen in class. And for one day, I was one of those stereotypical guys as I bounced in my seat during last hour history, my eyes darting to the clock every few seconds to see if time has magically sped up or not.

"Justin calm down," Daphne hissed from beside me, glancing up to make sure our teacher was still droning on.

"I can't help it, I'm too excited to sit still." I whispered back, trying to stop myself from wiggling in my seat.

"Why?"

I could tell my best friend was getting slightly pissed off but I didn't reply. She was really cool with a lot of things, such as me being gay for one, but I had a feeling if she knew I was all excited over a dream she would think I finally lost it. I didn't totally understand it myself, truth be honestly told. All I knew was that tonight was the night those hazel eyes I'd been dreaming of for months now would open up to see the world for the first time.

When the bell finally rung I was out of there like a racehorse. I sped to my locker and blindly grabbed at books that, hopefully, would be useful for the pile of homework I had. Daphne stood there watching in slight fascination as I attempted to shove everything into my backpack before slamming my locker shut.

"I'll see you tomorrow Daph," I gave her a quick peck on the cheek before zooming out the front door.

"Can you at least have the decency to tell me what's going on?" she called after me.

"My soul mate is being born tonight." I yelled over the heads of the other students, grinning like an idiot at the look on Daphne's face before practically skipping home.

* * *

I'd been having dreams of hazel eyes for a while now, and at first I thought it was nothing until they kept coming back. The night before my dream changed from just those eyes talking to me without words to a tiny baby opening them and giggling like only a baby could. That could only mean one thing, my dream was being born today, and I had every intention to meet it.

"Hi mom, I'm home. How was school? School was great. Learning is awesome. I have homework." I hastily rambled to my mom as I burst through the front door and flew up the stairs to my room.

I threw off my uniform and pulled on a pair of faded jeans and my favorite red hoodie before bounding back down the stairs. "I'll be back later. I'm going over to Daphne's to study." I called out before hopping onto the city bus down to the hospital.

It was a beautiful fall afternoon in Pittsburgh and as the bus whooshed by I looked out the window, thinking of the baby I would soon be meeting. Some might say that what I was doing was a bit extreme with only my dreams to go off of, but I knew deep inside that my dreams were guiding me to my destiny.

When the bus stopped a couple of blocks from the hospital I got off and started walking through the crisp sunset lit air. As I walked I started seeing holes in my plan I hadn't even thought of before, one of which was how the heck I would be allowed to even get near the baby? I didn't even know his name. You'd think that after all the times I'd seen him in my sleep I would know his name. I shook my blonde hair out of my eyes to banish any second thinking. I'd work things out when the problems came, no need to get myself this worked up.

Before long the quiet swooshing sound of the hospital doors welcomed me into the building. I just stood there and looked around, wondering what I was going to do now that I was here. Deciding that the reception desk directly in front of me would be a good place to start I walked forward.

"Hi, my sister just had a baby but I was stuck in class and just got out. Could you tell me where I might find her?" I asked the older lady sitting behind the counter, flashing her my Sunshine smile in hopes she wouldn't ask what my sister's name is.

"No problem honey," she practically gushed. The smile works every time. "Maternity ward is down that hall and the nursery is just adjacent to it."

"Thanks so much." I smiled. This was easier than I had initially thought.

I headed straight to the nursery and looked through the glass window at the rows of softly colored wrapped bundles. My eyes scanned tiny face after tiny face until they locked on a little blue bundle on the left side of the room. Glancing around to make sure I was alone I quickly slipped into the room. My heart rate sped up as I made my way over to my bundle.

Finally reaching the small crib I looked down into the peaceful face I'd known for a day, and when I gently lifted the bundle up I looked into the exact bright hazel eyes that had entered my dreams months ago.

"Hey little guy," I whispered, feeling an intense peace flow through me when the baby snuggled himself into my arms. I glanced over at the chart attached to the baby's crib and got a name to the small creature in my arms. "Brian," that one word breathed seemed to fill my stomach with sparkling butterflies that tickled all of my insides with their soft wings.

"Hi Brian," I looked down at him and was greeted with a big toothless smile and laughing eyes. "It's good to finally have a name to those eyes of yours. You knew what you were doing in my dreams didn't you little one? On some level in your subconscious you looked for me. Why me though?" Yes, I was talking to a newborn baby. Yes, I know I probably looked and sounded stupid. And no, of course I didn't expect an answer. But that's exactly what I got.

Little baby Brian, upon hearing my softly spoken words and question, reached up with his teeny hand and placed it on my chest over my heart, his hazel eyes following his hand before looking up into mine, asking if I understood.

"I understand Brian. I understand." I smiled and pressed a light kiss to his soft wispy head. The light mood surrounding us shifted when I said my next words. "The age difference between us is really big, and the chances are we'll never meet after this, at least not the way we were meant to." I could see the sadness that clouded Brian's eyes and hugged him tighter to me. "Which is why I'm going to die tonight."

The little being in my arms started tearing up as his bottom lip trembled. "Hey, don't cry baby. I'm not leaving, not completely. I'll always be there when you need me, and someday when you're older I'll find a way to get back. I promise." The light crying started to calm as big hazel eyes looked up at me with sadness but also understanding.

"I'm always going to love you Brian, in whatever form you or I may be in. Remember that." I kissed his forehead, set him back in his crib, and tucked him in.

Ten minutes later I was a few blocks away from the hospital standing in the middle of the road. I was not at all sure how I came up with this solution or if it would work or not, but it was all I had for now.

I was standing so my back was to the traffic and I was facing the hospital, where Brian was. Saying a final goodbye to my hazel eyed dream I closed my eyes as I heard the roaring of an approaching car.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know, I killed Justin in the first chapter. But it all works out in the end! I just needed him dead for the rest of the chapters to follow. Chapter two is nearly done and it should all make more sense then :)


	2. Meeting my Angel

_Brian's POV Four years later…_

They forgot. They totally and completely forgot. On this day four years ago I came into the world, and my entire family forgot. In my four year old mind I didn't understand the concept of my father being drunk out of his mind, or the fact that the drunkenness was the reason why he beat me. All my mind was able to process was that my birthday was forgotten and my father hit me.

Maybe this happened every year on my birthday. My father would yell, my mother would cry, and I'd get beaten. Well, if that's how all birthdays were then I didn't want any more!

I had run out of the house first chance I got and didn't stop running until my legs carried me to the cemetery about half a mile from my house. When the tall church came into sight with headstones surrounding it I slowed to a walk to let my gasping breath catch up.

I hadn't noticed it until then but I had been crying the whole time I'd been running. Wiping a bit feebly at the tears running down my face I walked slowly among the headstones. This wasn't the first time I'd come to the cemetery by myself, but it was the first time I was there because I'd gotten beaten. I had a sickening feeling in my stomach that it wouldn't be my last.

The gray pieces of stone that were lined on either side of me had names carved into them and most of them had flowers on them. I was old enough at that point to know that the headstones marked where dead bodies were, and at the rate I was feeling I was pretty envious of those dead bodies. At least someone had cared enough about them to bury them and bring them flowers.

As I walked despondently along something caught my eye and I turned toward a lone stone off by itself near the edge of the cemetery. Noticing that the stone was blank and had no flowers on it I moved closer, maybe I wasn't the only person someone had forgotten.

I sat down cross-legged in front of the stone and just looked at it. If it hadn't been in a cemetery I would have never known it was a headstone. Feeling curiosity well up inside me I reached out to gingery touch the stone.

"Hi there."

I jumped up and nearly tripped over my own feet when I heard a voice in front of me. When I looked up I was quite puzzled to see a blonde boy who looked my age dressed in white sitting comfortably on top of the stone with a muted light seemingly surrounding him. Where the heck had he come from? I could have sworn I was alone.

"What's your name?" the boy asked me with a bright friendly smile. I hadn't seen too many of those lately.

"Brian." My voice still held traces of my earlier crying and I really hoped the other boy wouldn't notice it, that would have been way too embarrassing for my little four year old self to take.

"What's the matter Brian?" the boy looked concerned, and the sound of my sniffling made me realize that I had started crying again.

"No one remembered my birthday and-and my daddy hit me." my voice quivered as I hung my head.

Two light arms wrapped around my shoulders as the boy pulled me into a tight hug and let me cry. Why was he doing this? He didn't even know me and yet he was the nicest person I had ever met. In my little heart I felt warmth start to grow towards this boy who extended comfort so willingly. When I had finally run out of tears I pulled away a little, not wanting to have to look the other boy in the eyes.

"Hey, do you want to see something with me?" the boy asked suddenly. I looked up and nodded slowly, causing his blue eyes to sparkle as he took my hand and led me to the back gate of the cemetery. When he pushed the creaking metal gate open what was spread out before us took my breath away.

"Where are we?" I asked him, pretty sure this had never been here before.

"Somewhere you can run to, somewhere safe." He assured me as he led me towards the sunlit field of flowers. Glancing back at the stormy gray cemetery we'd left behind I never once thought to think this was all weird beyond normal imagination. I was with him and he'd protect me, of that I was sure of even back then.

While we were in the field whatever we wanted to play with somehow appeared. We had a big bouncy ball to throw and chase around. There were tubs of different colored bubble solution and wands of every shape for us to make huge bubbles to pop or watch float away. I laughed more in that one afternoon than I had in my short years of life and I was actually happy for once.

The two of us were lying in the grass watching clouds float by when something soft bumped into my side. "What's this?" I asked as I sat up and looked down at the wiggling nose.

"He's my birthday present to you." The other boy laughed as he picked up the tiny bunny and placed him in my lap.

"Really?" I hugged up the bunny excitedly. I'd always wanted a pet but, "But my mom says no pets." My happy mood suddenly deflated faster than a balloon.

"Don't worry, Fluffy is very good at hiding. Whenever your mom comes near he'll disappear." He assured me with a wink. "We better go, it's getting late." He added as he glanced up at the sky.

I really didn't want to leave our little piece of paradise but he was right, by now my parents would be wondering where I was and were bound to be mad. The two of us walked back through the gate into the dreary cemetery. When I snuck a look over my shoulder all I could see through the gate was a long forgotten gray and dead field.

"Are you an angel?" I asked as my house came into view. The blonde boy looked over at me carrying Fluffy securely in my arms and smiled a smile that could have never been possible on earth.

"I suppose if you wanted to think of me as that it'd be pretty accurate." We stopped before entering the front yard and turned towards each other.

"Will I be able to see you again Angel?" I asked, hugging Fluffy close to me.

"Whenever you need me I'll be there." He gave me a hug to seal the deal. He pulled back and looked at me beaming back at him before adding, "and just in case you get tired of calling me angel, you can also call me Justin."

I giggled a little out of pure joy before pressing a quick kiss to his lips and started walking into the house, my heart a thousand times lighter than it had been when I left.

"When I got up to my room I carried Fluffy to my window and looked down. Justin was looking back up at me with a smile before the air around him shimmered and he disappeared.

That night as I was just dropping off to sleep I heard a soft voice in my ear, "Happy birthday Brian, I'll always remember." And all of a sudden the fact that my family had forgotten didn't matter anymore, because someone else hadn't.

My Angel.


	3. Growing up

Chapter Three

_Brian's POV Ten years later…_

"Mikey, you're going to have to either slow your talking or shut up because I'm this close to stuffing you into a locker." I informed my friend walking beside me clutching the latest Captain Astro comic and talking my ear off about it.

"But Brian, this is good stuff here." He had a slight whine to his voice as he flipped open that stupid comic book for the umpteenth time. "And you know how I get claustrophobic when people shove me into lockers."

I rolled my eyes, wondering why it was that I did know that. Everything had been going good for me, everyone saw me as the tall brooding guy and generally left me alone. Then one day I just have to walk by the locker with someone banging and yelling inside it, and of course an annoying ray of sunshine made me open it. Now I was stuck with a geek firmly attached to my hip.

I felt my shoulder back start to bounce a bit impatiently and made sure Mikey was still talking before opening it a tad so Fluffy could stick his head out. I had not idea how long a normal rabbit lived but Fluffy was as bright and chipper as the day I got him, just bigger with floppier ears. The best thing about the rabbit though was that whenever someone was around who I didn't want to see him, didn't. I could bring him to school and plop him on my desk and no one would notice. The only way I knew I wasn't crazy was that one time a little girl had come up to me at the library and asked if she could pet him.

"Brian? Hello?" Mikey's voice snapped my eyes away from the contently sleeping rabbit in my bag back to him. "I swear, sometimes you seem more interested in that bag than me." he huffed.

"Sometimes that isn't very hard Mikey." I bluntly replied.

"Gee thanks. Now back to what I was saying…"

I was only half listening to him when we passed by the open doors to the school's auditorium and I stopped short. Michael looked back at me confused before looking at the poster on the door announcing the school's production of _Romeo and Juliet_. The poster however was not what had caught my attention.

"I'll see you later Mikey." I told him before going in, hoping that he wouldn't follow.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?" there was a very dramatic sounding blonde standing on the newly built balcony sighing out the lines.

"If you're talking about me I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not going to be spouting poetry anytime soon." I informed the blonde with a grin as I jumped onstage and set my bag down as Fluffy hopped out.

"Wouldn't really expect it Bri," the blonde smiled down as he leaned on the balcony edge.

"What are you doing here? I could have used you quite a few times today when dealing with Captain Geekstro." I stood below the balcony and looked up at him.

"Aw, he liked you Bri. You're the only guy who won't beat him up." He teased. "Now catch me," he commanded as he lifted himself onto the balcony railing.

"What are you crazy?" I balked a bit. Sure I was tall for my age but having to catch him from a balcony…

"Oh come on, I'm practically weightless remember? Besides, I don't think you'd want to attempt climbing up, do you?" he gave me that stupid grin of his that would usually make me agree to anything.

"Fine. Jump on down Juliet," I sighed and held out my arms like it was a chore.

Justin giggled before pushing off and practically floating down to land lightly in my outstretched arms with one of his around my neck. "My hero," he sighed while batting his eyelashes at me.

"Keep on dreaming," I advised before promptly dropping him, not that he actually plopped on the stage, or fell for that matter. "I hate it when you do that, it's creepy." I stepped back to watch him floating where I had left him.

"Fin," he laughed before righting himself and sitting down on the stage. Fluffy decided to plop into his lap and get comfortable as I joined him on the stage floor. "So, how're things?" he asked conversationally.

"Well, my father is an abusive drunk, my mother is a clueless Christian, my sister is the spawn of Satan, my algebra teacher _is_ Satan, I have a geek permanently glued to my side, and the only person who knows any of this is…" I paused as I looked him over, trying to find the right word to describe him. "Dead."

"Ever the sensitive one," Justin rolled his eyes and the caramel colored ball of fluff in his lap huffed out a breath.

"That meadow is the only place where I actually like my life." I sighed, thinking of that hidden sunlit meadow that I went to everyday to get away from everything.

"That's why it's there." Justin assured me as he pulled me into a hug, letting me relax into him.

"If anyone walking in right now they'd think I was insane." I remarked, wondering how I looked leaning into seemingly nothing.

"Story of your existence." Justin laughed as he gently kissed my forehead.

* * *

I spent as much time in the meadow as I could that afternoon, dragging on my homework process for as long as possible. I knew what would be waiting for me back home, and I was in no hurry to see it. Since the first time Justin brought me here where no one could find me it turned into my safe haven I could run to. No matter what the weather was in the real world, the meadow was always the same.

Fluffy's ears suddenly pricked up from the middle of a clover patch and his nose soon followed. I had learned several years before that it was his way of warning me that if we didn't get home soon, the beating that I received almost daily would be worse.

I quickly put my books back into my bag and scooped the rabbit up before heading back to the cemetery gates. Even in my frequent haste to get home, I never forgot to gently brush my fingers over Justin's tombstone.

An hour and a half later I half dragged, half limped my sore body into my room and slammed the door before locking it. I threw my bag onto the floor, ignoring the squeak as Fluffy bounced in it, and collapsed onto my bed while ignoring my growling stomach. No way was I going back down there.

I watched Fluffy wiggle himself free of the bag as night darkened the room and he jumped onto the bed to curl into my aching stomach. As the achiness in my body set in I felt tears well up even though I willed them away with everything I had. This happened every night, I should be used to it by now.

"Shh…it's okay to cry, don't hold it all in." a soft voice whispered into my ear as arms wrapped around me and started making slow, soothing circles over my abdomen with gently hands.

He was there. He was always there. Even when I felt most alone he was still there if I needed him. From the first time the beating became frequent he'd been there to hold me while I hurt.

With Fluffy in front and Justin behind protecting me, I let myself cry for the loving family every kid should have that I would never know. But some of those tears were also thankful tears that even though I didn't have a family, I had someone who cared about me just as much as one and sometimes even more.

Justin continued soothing me even after the sobs stopped until I was completely calm again. Fluffy had fallen asleep as I blinked out into the darkness and Justin rested his head on my neck, hands now making calming paths up and down my arms.

"Jus," I whispered. His nose nudged my ear. "How old were you?" For as long as I'd known him he'd been the same age as me, growing up right along with me. But I never knew how old he had been when he died, or how he died.

"I was seventeen and got hit by a car." He replied emotionlessly, making me wonder if there was more to it. "My family didn't know I was dead until after I was buried, and even then they didn't even want to bother with trying to find my body."

"Why not?" I turned in his arms to face him, shocked that his family wouldn't want to find him. I had thought it was only mine.

"Because I was gay." Justin shrugged, his blue eyes looking older than I'd ever seen them and it hit me that although his 'body' was fourteen he'd lived seventeen years before that.

"Is being gay a bad thing?" I asked, hoping the answer was no as I was starting to notice the guys around me a lot more than the girls.

"No, it's not a bad thing at all." He assured me, still holding me in his arms. Silence fell over us as we were lost in our own thoughts and a light snoring came from the furry pillow at my back.

"Will you have to leave someday? To go to your next life?" I asked quietly, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stay with me forever and dreading the day when he would have to leave.

He hesitated for a moment, looking like he was about to say something but then changing his mind. "I will." He finally conceded with sadness in his normally carefree eyes. "But I'm going to stay here for as long as I can." He hugged me tight and I wrapped his ethereal body in my arms as well, wishing that if I just held on tight enough my angel would never leave.

_

* * *

_

A/N: Just as a forewarning I'm turning up the fiction rating for the next chapter, which is going to turn a little angsty when we learn how Brian got into all of his bad addictions.


	4. Missing my Angel

Chapter Four

_Brian's POV 15 years later_

_(present day at age 29)_

This was my sanctuary, as it had been for years. It was filled with pleasure and no inhibitions. Beautiful naked men could be found in abundance doing what men were born to do, fuck their dicks off. Welcome to the backroom of Babylon, my kingdom.

I was currently busy with the trick of the hour, a nicely built and tanned Latino who gave excellent head and had a nice round ass. As I pounded into him with abandon I let the stress of work and the 'gang' get lost in the carnal hunger I was currently feeling. The buzzing high from the E and Beam that had been recently consumed was magnified as I came into the trick's ass with a very satisfied grunt.

The second I was done I pulled out, stripped off the condom, pulled up my pants, and left. In and out with maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit, a motto to live by.

"Are you done for the night?" Mikey was at the bar and looking hopeful. He didn't have a single clue in that brain of his.

"Not even close Mikey," I replied as I ordered another Beam before turning to the dance floor to find my next conquest.

"But Brian, you've been at it for hours now. Don't you think-" Mikey promptly shut up when I started for the hot guy currently dancing with Emmett. "Asshole," he muttered before turning back to his beer.

Emmett was a little indignant when I stole his dance partner to take him home and have a fun time, not that the trick was complaining. This was my life, go to work as the best adman in all of Pittsburgh, down some drugs and booze at Woody's, play some pool and beat some sorry asses, and then go to Babylon to trick the night away. Tonight's take home trick was a little sloppy on the blowjob to say the least, but at least his ass was fuckable. Second I was finished with him he was out the door.

"Will we see each other again?" he actually had the gall to ask as I was showing him the door.

"Not likely buddy, one time fucks only." I informed him before closing the door on his ass. After the loft door clicked into place I turned around to survey my home. I'd worked all through high school and college so that I'd have enough to completely move out of the god-awful place I grew up in. I got the loft, got addicted to expensive high quality furniture now that I could afford it, and have just been coasting along ever since.

Feeling the night's high start to wear off I turn out the kitchen lights and head towards the bathroom for a steaming hot shower. As the shower turned on the usual silence of the loft seemed to be magnified by the pattering of water droplets. If I had thought about my future fifteen years ago this probably wouldn't be how I imagined, but it had grown on me.

After mechanically going through the washing process I dried off and slipped between my soft navy sheets for another night alone. I hadn't rolled onto my side for more than a minute before the other side of the bed dipped down and a warm body cuddled in close.

I turned my head to glare into the laughing eyes of the only bed partner I ever had before sighing in defeat and pulling the covers up. "Why have you not died yet?" I asked absently as I petted soft downy hair.

Fluffy actually stuck his tongue out at me as he wiggled his tail. Twenty-five years and the rabbit still had an attitude. "Go to sleep, and be thankful I don't make you sleep on the floor." I said with a soft smile only allowed at night as I pulled him in tighter.

Fluffy breathed out a content sigh and nuzzled in closer before falling asleep.

* * *

"Boss?"

"What is it Cynthia? In case you haven't noticed I'm up to my balls in work." I was glowering at the pile of papers that had greeted me the moment I walked into the office. I'd been working all morning going through the accounts but was nowhere near done. I was in such a mood that even Fluffy had made himself scarce in the first five minutes.

"Your mom is on the phone." She said, still with most of her body behind the door with only her head peeking cautiously in, obviously waiting to see the extent of my mood.

"What. The fuck. Would she want?" I asked very slowly, trying hard not to ground my teeth together.

"Um, something about your dad and-" Cynthia decided to close the door when I abruptly stood up from my desk. Fluffy cautiously glanced out from under the couch and saw me standing there gripping my desk so tightly that my whole body was shaking in anger.

The hatred I had towards my parents as a kid had grown to the point where it threatened to consume me when I was a teenager. It had been because of them that I lost the one person I could never live without. Wondering what the fuck was left that they'd want to take from me I forced myself to calm down enough to sit back down and pick up the phone.

"Brian, your father is sick and you will come home this afternoon to see him because it could be your last." My mother's clipped and haughty voice immediately invaded my ear and made me want to cringe away from the phone.

I forced a couple of deep breaths into my lungs before trusting myself enough to answer. "The only reason I would see that son of a bitch on his deathbed is to tell him to have fun blowing Satan in hell."

* * *

I went, but not to see my dying father. In fact I didn't even get within view of that house that had been my prison before I escaped. I went to the cemetery. I took off from work and drove off to where I had grown up not for someone who was dying, but someone who had died.

It had been twelve years since I had allowed myself to think of him for more than a minute, fearing that the piercing cold feeling I got from it would kill me. Now I stood at the edge of the cemetery, looking down at the headstone where I had carved his name and date of birth myself and left a bunch of sunflowers, now long dried and gone.

As I looked at his resting place with Fluffy held tightly in my arms like I was still a little kid, my mind flashed back to a night twelve years ago…

I was seventeen and more than ready to get the hell out of that hellhole I grew up in. I'd just started embracing my queerness and had a lot of stress from both that and school, since I needed some serious scholarships for college. Mikey and I had gone out to check out Liberty Avenue for the first time, since we'd both found out about our shared sexual preference I had actually started to like him a bit. It was quite late when I got home and I had been hoping it was late enough that no one was awake.

"And where have you been you little faggot?"

The cold sneering voice of my father froze me in my tracks. I had grown over the years since he started beating me and even he knew that if I wanted to I could beat him to a pulp. Even though he couldn't physically harm me anymore he knew the exact words it would take to make me feel like a worthless piece of crap.

When I finally got up to my room after the verbal beating I half wished it had been physical. Physical wounds I had grown up with and learned to build barriers against, emotional ones I had not, and they terrified me. Thinking that if I showed any weakness it would only encourage my father to do worse I decided right then to make sure no one could hurt me like that again. With that resolve my terror started to morph itself into anger over the fact that I actually had to do that to protect myself, no one should need to put up that kind of barriers to protect themselves from a parent.

I was angry, and I took it out on him.

"Why did you tell me being gay was a good thing? If you had just kept your fucking mouth shut everything would be going fine right now and my father wouldn't hate me more than he already did!" I yelled at a very shocked and confused looking blonde.

"But Brian, it's not bad to be gay. It's not really a choice we make it's-"

"Just shut up! For once," the intense hurt in those blue eyes should have told me to stop right there and apologize, but my fear of being cut open again in a way I couldn't recover from drove me on. "You're dead, why couldn't I have remembered that and just not listened?"

Justin's eyes looked like they were about to spill over as he opened his mouth to say something, but all of a sudden he started…fading. He glanced down at himself before his eyes shot back up to mine, wide with fear…

That was the last night I saw my angel. That was also the night I found comfort in alcohol and meaningless fucks, as they were the only things that could numb me. And when they stopped working as effectively, I slit my wrist. I had been close to the edge of oblivion when Mikey found me, being pulled along by Fluffy at his feet even though he couldn't see the rabbit.

A black bracelet to cover up my almost mistake and a long time in the hospital to think things over later, I decided to do what Justin had always encouraged me to do, make all I could out of myself to show those bastards that I was someone.

Twelve years later and here I am, standing right where it all began, remembering. I feel a tear escape from my eye as I kneel down and rest my hand over his crudely carved name I'd put on with a rock the night he left.

"I miss you Angel." I whispered as tears quietly streamed down, letting the breeze carry my words away into the slowly falling night.


	5. Angel Returns

Chapter Five

A/N: I am _so sorry_ that this has taken me over two weeks to update when it was done a week ago, but I kept forgetting to bring my notebook home to type it up and…yeah :(

* * *

Justin's POV

My being had been suspended in a timeless, dark pocket of space where nothing existed. The last thing my eyes remembered seeing was Brian's face as I faded from earth. I didn't know how long I'd been in that dark space, seeing nothing and thinking everything. Thoughts of Brian, the seventeen years I knew him for, were the only things to keep my lonely heart company.

Then out of the darkness came a sudden gushing whoosh of wind and I felt my soul tumbling and spiraling in whatever direction the wind took me. I had no voice to scream out with, so all I could do was huddle my spirit as small as possible to ride out the wind.

Suddenly a very solid object was in my path, the _only_ solid object I'd come in contact with for quite a long while. I felt my spirit somehow unfurl into an actual shape rather than the ever-changing blob I had been for a long time.

I opened my eyes, after realizing I had eyes, and found myself looking at a familiar looking stone. I pulled back to look at my very nondescript headstone and was surprised to see my name scratched into the smooth surface, and were those dried sunflower petals?

I looked around, hoping to find what had brought me back to the world I had thought was lost to me forever. At the entrance to the cemetery I caught sight of a retreating form with shoulders slumped in sadness.

"Brian," I breathed out without even needing to think about it. Though the man I saw was much older than the Brian I had last seen I knew it was him. Only he could have possibly brought me back. But why did he need me again?

I looked around the cemetery, wondering what year it was and what the heck must have happened to Brian that would make him need me. Knowing that I needed information to get my answers I glanced around to make sure there weren't any other spirits around before sprouting the snow-white angel wings Brian had unknowingly given me the very first day we met in the cemetery.

Keeping an eye on the black jeep making its way along the roads I flew along just above the cloud cover, feeling the cool wind rush over my spirit and wings to wake me up after years of lonely dormancy.

I followed Brian all day to learn more about the boy I knew who was now a man, and a very successful one at that. I watched as he planned, organized, and pitched ideas for well known companies who seemed to love him. I watched him interact with his friends (he actually started to like Michael!) at the Liberty diner and then head off to Babylon. From what I learned from his friends I had a feeling I really didn't want to follow Brian to the club, so I went to check out his loft.

When I entered the place and took a look around I really saw the difference twelve years made. Brian had acquired refined and expensive tastes and apparently could afford it easily. As I walked slowly through the loft my eyes took in any detail that could help me know this new Brian. Stepping into his bedroom I nearly laughed out in joy when I saw the brown furry lump fast asleep in the middle of the bed.

"Fluffy!" I called out, getting two floppy ears instantly perked up as a response before I had said furry lump leaping into my arms. "Long time no see you fluffy hairball. Have you been watching out for our boy while I was gone?"

Fluffy's ears twitched out rapid messages and as I 'listened' I took a look around Brian's simple room. Fluffy's ears suddenly stopped when I came upon a small cardboard box in a corner of Brian's open closet. Noticing the rabbit's silence I wondered what it was that was in the unlabeled box.

I pulled it out and sat on the floor with Fluffy beside me to slowly examine the box. Lifting the lid off I was a bit puzzled at first when I saw the pile of newspaper clippings. Then I saw what they were about. Brian had somehow gotten old newspapers that announced some minor art shows I had been in, most of the articles short little bylines. Then came the full color story about my death that night a block away from the hospital as well as my obituary. For all the time I had been dead I don't think I really felt it like I did right then when looking at an article that had my name and death in it.

Not much wanting to deal with the clipping I pushed them aside and looked at the remaining contents in the box. What was at the bottom of the box made me smile brighter than I could remember. Over the years of Brian's childhood I had sketched different things on an almost daily basis while he was at school or busy. I gave some to him of course, and some I had just left lying around. It seemed that Brian had hunted for and kept every single sketch I had done in those thirteen years.

Picking up my sketched I gently hugged them to me as I held onto the piece of Brian as he had been when an innocent little boy. He'd grown up and changed over the years, but deep down he was still the little angel I'd held in my arms for the first time twenty-nine years ago.

* * *

Brian's POV

The entire art department was consisted of fucking morons. How could they possibly screw up simple as fuck directions? I was at Babylon with a very flexible little twink writhing underneath me when my phone goes off. Apparently the boards I had requested for the next day were completely fucked up and unless I wanted my ass fired I was instructed to 'get my dick out of god knows what and fix this goddamn mess'. I have such a charming boss.

So I go back to work at ten, prime picking time at Babylon I might sourly add, and have to unfuck the fuckups. Needless to say I was not in a very sunshiney mood when I finally got home well past midnight. I slammed the loft door before marching into the kitchen in a huff. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge I gulped down half of it before turning into the living room and freezing. Sitting on the sofa was a little blonde twink looking at me with more than amused shining blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I don't seem to remember inviting little lost twinks into my house tonight." I didn't even try to sound nice, I'd had a for crap night and did not need to deal with a trick right then.

"Aw, you hear that bunny? Big, mean and scary over there called me a twinkie. I think he only says that cause I'm sweet." the blonde cooed at something in his lap. I stepped forward to peer over the side of the couch to see Fluffy laying snugly in the blonde's arms.

"What the fuck? How can you see him?" I blurted out. Did the furball's invisibility reach its twenty-five year warranty or something?

The blonde looked back up at me with a smile and glint in his eyes I hadn't seen in years. I sucked in a breath as I realized who the blonde was. He could see Fluffy, had a dazzling smile and a soft glow about him, he looked to be seventeen…

"Justin?" I asked disbelievingly, wondering if maybe I took some outdated shit while at Babylon. The blonde's sunshine smile lit up the entire room and pierced through the thick dark clouds that had gathered around my heart for twelve years. "Justin!" In a very sudden dyke like manner I launched myself at the blonde on the couch, causing Fluffy to leap off for his little bunny life.

If Justin had been alive I probably would have squeezed him to death I was holding onto him so tight. I don't think my emotions knew what to do with themselves they were running around so wildly. I had spent twelve years thinking I'd never see my angel again, cutting myself off from all emotion to hid the pain, and now here he was.

"But, how?" I pulled back while still keeping him firmly in my arms.

"You touched my gravestone when you needed me, that's the only thing that could have brought me back." Justin replied, looking up at me with his gleaming blue eyes.

I just sat there for a while as I let that sink in. All this time I had never gone back to the cemetery because of the memories, but if I had gone back… it didn't matter. He was here right now and I was never going to lose him again, that's all that mattered.

Gently brushing my thumb across a pale cheek I took in the face that hadn't changed since that night. "This is the first time I'm looking at you with us at different ages." I smiled, since for the years we were together he'd always been the same age as me up until I turned seventeen.

"Well, this is as far as I got." Justin looked down at his still seventeen year old body with eyes that had seen more than twice that many years.

"I missed you so much." I whispered as I ran my fingers slowly through his hair. "I should never have said what I did that night. I don't know why I did and I can't take it all back but-"

Justin silenced me with a kiss pressed lightly to the bridge of my nose. "I know why, you have nothing to apologize for Bri. Everything that happened that night doesn't matter, all that matters is-"

"You're back." I sighed contently, leaning my forehead against his chest. And for a moment there, I swear I could feel a slow heartbeat against my skin.


	6. Angel's Mission

Chapter Six

**Justin's POV**

I missed this. I really, really missed this. When Brian was a kid and needed comfort form the beatings I was always there beside him to help in any way I could, and after all these years it never got old or ceased to warm my insides.

"Where are the marshmallows?!" I stuck my head through every cabinet in the entire kitchen but couldn't find any. "You can't have hot chocolate without marshmallows, you just can't!" I exclaimed when I felt strong hands pulling me out of the refrigerator.

"Okay, one, you know it creeps the hell out of me when you do that. And two, they're right here." Brian held up a packet of the fluffy white things.

"Yay!" I jumped at them and hugged them tight to me.

"You never grew up did you?" Brian grinned as he took a mug out of one of the cupboards that I'd stuck my head into. As he was making his hot chocolate I opened up the bag of marshmallows and started teasing Fluffy with one. "No bunny teasing." Brian took the bag away from me and gave one to the desperately jumping rabbit before adding some to his mug.

"I can't even remember the last time I had hot chocolate. I can only remember helping you sneak into the kitchen at midnight to sneak some." I said a bit wistfully as we headed back into the living room where we'd been for the past hour or so.

"It helped a lot, that and you. Who knew chocolate and sunshine were such a good combination?" Brian smiled as he sat down on the couch with Fluffy and me settling next to him.

As I sat there watching him sipping at his drink and looking like the innocent mellow little boy I'd known, I knew that I was the only one to see him like this. The walls he'd somehow built in my absence had made sure no one else could see him in all his vulnerable pain. Knowing that he was hurting so much that he had to hide it made me hurt inside and want more than anything to just take it away.

"So, what is it that you wanted to tell me that called for hot chocolate?" Brian turned to me expectantly, effectively snapping me out of my contemplations. I stayed silent for a moment as I took his unoccupied hand and gently turned it over in mine to slowly trace the grooves in them that had deepened over years.

"Everything," I said quietly. "starting a few months before you were born."

**Brian's POV**

I couldn't remember the last time I woke up so warm and content that all I wanted to do was stay in bed for the rest of the day, but that's what was happening to me now. I opened my eyes slowly to see Justin lying next to me with one arm folded up under his head and his other hand running gently through my hair. This was how I'd woken up for the first half of my life, and I was glad it was back.

"Good morning," I smiled softly.

"Morning Bri," Justin replied just as softly as I planted light butterfly kisses on his wrist.

As I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes I could finally name what I had always seen in them, pure love. He'd never told me about how he had dreamt of me before I was born, or that he was there the night I was born, the night he stood in front of an oncoming car to end his mortal life. He'd never told me any of that, until last night, the night I found him again.

I let out a small groan as I sat up and stretched before settling back down and turning to my angel. "So, now that I know everything what happens now?"

Justin let out a sigh as he sat up next to me, looking thoughtful. "I'm not sure. Originally when I died I thought I'd go straight to my next life and then hopefully find you again. But then my soul stayed on earth and I've been thinking about that for a few years now. I think that somehow your soul, as young as it had been, kept mine here that night. The second I mentioned what I was going to do you started freaking out." He smiled, obviously flashing back to that night, making me smile as well. I'd loved him from the very beginning. "So then you found me and I've been trying to find a way to become alive again ever since."

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his being closer to me. I knew that he'd have to move on eventually, I'd always known that, but it was still hard to think about. I guess I'd just always thought he'd never leave me. Even when he'd been away for twelve years I could still feel that he was somehow with me, but if he truly left, that'd be it. I'd be alone.

"Shh, Bri," Justin said soothingly as I buried my face into his hair and tried hard not to shake. "I'm not leaving you. I told you that the day you were born and then fourteen years later. The only way I'm going to move on is if you're with me." he held onto me and let his warm voice soothe slowly over me.

I could feel the years of careful isolation around my feelings melt away with his soft kisses. My angel was back, I didn't have to fear any judgment of me because he never would.

"Now, I've shared my story, how about you tell me what happened that made you need me so strongly this time?" Justin asked as he tucked my face into his neck and combed my hair back with his long fingers that I'd always known to hold some artistic tool. I was now technically twelve years older than him, but having him hold me like he did when we were the same ages made all the years seem irrelevant as I relaxed into that protective hold.

"Where do I start?" I sighed, thinking about the slightly fucked up life I led. "Well, to put it simply, my life is a mess. Yes, it's always been a mess, but I could manage it, now I can't. My boss is a bitch-"

"Isn't your boss a he?"

"Your point?"

"Ah."

"My friends, if you can call them that on certain days, only see me as this fucked up charity case. And my dear old dad is dying of cancer so my mother, aka Satan's whorebitch, is trying to squeeze everything her claws can get out of me." I said as blandly as I could.

"Wait, your dad is dying?" Justin pulled back to look at me carefully as I nodded, obviously trying to gouge my feelings towards it. "Can I?" he asked hopefully, to which I nodded again.

Justin suddenly leaped up into the air with a loud cheer, causing Fluffy to jump up and scurry off the bed as fast as his little bunny paws could carry him. "I can see you're completely torn up over this piece of news." I said as I watched in amusement as he jumped around on the bed before landing on my lap no heavier than a feather. It still amazed me that he could act the forty some years he'd known this world and yet at other times act younger than his body's seventeen years.

"I'm sorry Bri, but you have no idea how badly I've wanted to kill him before when he was beating you and I couldn't do anything but watch. If I'd been alive he wouldn't have lived long enough to die from cancer." Justin's eyes clouded over with pain and regret, making me realize that even though I took all my father's physical blows, my angel was taking hits that had sunk into him and latched on. Knowing that my father had no only hurt me but also my angel just made me hate the man more.

"You weren't able to stop him, but you were there to love me and that means more than anything to me." I assured him as I pulled him close for the most tender kiss I'd ever given.

"Thanks Bri," my angel's sunshine smile lit up his face, banishing the shadows of the past into forgotten corners. "Now," his voice suddenly turned business like. "Since I am going to help you unfuck your life, I'm going to be following you wherever you go. But first I need to go visit a friend."

To say I was shocked when he sprouted a pair of snow white wings from under his shoulder blades that could touch from one side of the room to the other would have been quite the understatement. "What the fuck?" I asked in wonder as I reached out to gingerly touch a wing, making Justin giggle and flutter them a bit.

"Well, you called me an angel so I figured I might as well look like one." He smiled as he kissed my still paralyzed mouth. "Meet you at the diner," he whispered into my ear with a low, sultry undertone. Then he giggled again and spread his wings.

If anyone had bothered to look towards the sky at that point they probably would have simply thought that some new bird decided to visit the Pitts in the early morning's light.

_

* * *

_

A/N: For those who think that Brian is a little too mushy for their liking in this story the next chapter will have some pure Kinney assholiness in it… that's not a word is it? Ah well, it is now

. 


	7. Angel in Friends

Chapter Seven

**Justin's POV**

I don't think it sunk in yet, because if it did Brian would be freaking out. Or, I guess he could be accepting everything, I don't know. I guess if you grew up with a weirdness like ours, getting the story behind all the weirdness wouldn't be as weird as it normally would be…that was weird. Sigh. The things I think about to pass the time until I get to the diner…

The moment I walk into the diner I'm bombarded with the sights and sounds of all the bustle. Silverware is clanking, coffee is brewing, waitresses are laughing and taking orders, fryers are crackling, stoves are sizzling, cooks are shouting, people are talking, and in the midst of all this is the loud red haired woman who seems to be the center of the entire well oiled machine that is the Liberty Diner.

"Deb! My coffee while I'm still young if at all possible." A familiar voice cuts through the blur of colors and scents like a ray of sunlight in the dark, making me smile.

"Keep your pants on asshole, I've only got two arms here." The redhead bellows as she grabs a pot of coffee. "Happy?" she demands once she fills up Brian's cup and plonks the put onto the table.

"That's all I asked for." Brian said back, getting a pop on the head before the redhead moved to the next table. As I stood there with people walking around and through me I could see that Brian was not alone in his booth. I recognized Michael, not much really changed about him in twelve years, and the other two I'd come to know the day before when I shadowed Brian. Emmett and Ted, almost polar opposites.

I'd just started forward when a loud voice screeches right behind me, "Dadda!" and next thing I knew I was flat against the ceiling and looking down at the diner from above. _Way to go Taylor, now I'm scared of a kid. Great._

Wait, did the kid say dadda to Brian? _Holy shit!_ Is that the mom? Is Brian _straight?!_ I just had a depressing thought. I'm a ghost floating near the ceiling of a diner and silently freaking out over a guy maybe being straight. This is what I died for.

"Hey Bri, Gus was asking for you so Mel and I were thinking you could watch him this morning?" the blonde woman asked as she handed the eager kid over to Brian.

"Why not? I'm always happy to have my sonnyboy with me while I get my dick sucked. They're never too young to learn good techniques, isn't that right Gus?" Brian asked with an evil smirk, making the other guys in the booth snort in amusement while the blonde woman looked far from amused. In fact she looked like she had a stick permanently up her ass, she must be in the country club crowd.

"Brian, you know how Mel and I feel about you exposing indecency-"

"Relax Linds, you know I wouldn't do that. Or if I did I sure as hell wouldn't tell you I'm going to." Brian took a sip of coffee to avoid meeting the glare aimed at him. Yep, definitely country club.

"Andel!" The boy, Gus, suddenly shouted out happily, and when I turned to look at him his wide eyes were staring right back.

"What Gus?" The woman looked a bit worried about her son's sanity as she glanced up but saw nothing.

"Andel!" Gus exclaimed again, clapping his hands in excitement. Brian glanced up at me and smirked at my shell-shocked expression.

"Now where did you learn the word angel sonnyboy?" he turned back to his son.

"This is a sign!" Emmett exclaimed. "He's going to be gay!"

"How the hell do you get that from one word?" Ted looked over at Emmett with a cynical look.

"Ooh, I know the perfect lullaby to sing him!" Emmett ignored Ted, his eyes bright. "It goes a little like this. Hush little homo don't say a word, your sugar daddy's going to buy you a big dildo. And if that dildo don't make you scream, sugar daddy's going to buy you a leather cock ring. And with that cock ring should you cum, sugar daddy's going to buy you-"

"Emmett!" the woman cut off Emmett's singing, her hands over Gus' ears with a horrified look on her face.

"What kind of sick wacko sang you to sleep with _that?_" Ted demanded.

"I like it." Brian grinned.

* * *

Once the woman left (was it Lindsay?) Debbie came over to see Gus. "Hey sweetie, how are you?" she cooed.

"Andel!" Gus' vocabulary seemed to have shrunken down to that one word, making Brian roll his eyes.

"Well, that's weird." Debbie straightened up with a perplexed expression.

"Maybe if the thing he wanted stopped being a drama princess and came down from the ceiling he'd talk normally again." Brian shot me a look, making me grin sheepishly as I drifted down.

"I think the drugs have finally fried your brain." Ted observed, earning a glare from Brian's hazel eyes.

I rested lightly on the top of the booth's back, right behind Brian. Gus started reaching for me so I leaned over Brian's shoulder and let the little boy pat his hands over my face and hair.

"Be nice to Angel." Brian said gently to his son.

"Andel!" Gus giggled.

"How did he come around?" I asked into Brian's ear as I lightly ran a finger over Gus' cheek.

Brian glanced at me before turning to Gus. "Hey Sonnyboy, how about I tell you how you got here so that when you ask me later on I can say I already told you?"

"Brian," I noticed Michael hadn't lost the whininess in his voice.

"When daddy went to college he met mommy, mommy wanted daddy to stick his dick in her."

"Brian!"

"But daddy told her that he was gay and had already given someone else lifetime access to his dick. Then mommy turned into a pussy eating lesbo and wanted to have you, so she made me jerk off into a dish and the doctors shot it up into her." Gus was just staring at his daddy with a smile, obviously not comprehending a word Brian said. I on the other hand had my eyebrows raised at the way Brian chose to answer my question.

"You just couldn't put that delicately could you?" Debbie gave Brian another smack on the head before walking away.

"The giving someone lifetime access to your dick was a new addition to the speech." Ted noted with a smirk.

"What did you mean by that?" by Michael's tone I guessed he still hadn't lost his crush on Brian. Oy.

"Just what you think it means." Brian grinned as I kissed the back of his neck.

His friends didn't know the real him, and judging by their attitudes around him they weren't ready to yet. I guess I'd just have to make them see.


End file.
